Ep 1011: You’re Everyone’s Go-To. So Why Do You Feel So Alone? with Dr. Julie Gowthorne

You’re the one everybody calls when they need something. So why is it so hard to make that call yourself?

On this episode of the Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T., Linda Mitchell sits down with therapist and author Dr. Julie Gowthorpe to talk about how the roles we learned growing up can follow us into adult relationships. If you’ve ever jumped in to keep the peace, waved off an offer of help, or replayed one offhand comment all night, you’ll recognize yourself in this conversation.

Dr. Julie shares the thinking behind Self-Nurturing Therapy, the approach at the center of her book, Heal Childhood Trauma: The Self-Nurturing Therapy Approach to Better Adult Relationships. Linda and Julie explore what it can feel like to let someone show up for you, how to tell when an old hurt is shaping a current argument, and what repair can sound like when you catch yourself repeating a family pattern.

In this episode

• Why women who are used to being relied on can feel lonely

• How everyday childhood experiences can shape what you expect from people now

• Why one small comment can hit harder than you expected

• How to notice an old reaction while taking present-day disrespect seriously

• What to say when you need space, help, or a clearer boundary

• How to reconnect with your child after a moment you wish you’d handled differently

Featured book
Heal Childhood Trauma: The Self-Nurturing Therapy Approach to Better Adult Relationships by Dr. Julie Gowthorpe

Connect with Linda
Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T. · @sisterhoodofsweat on Instagram

Summary

Linda Mitchell talks with Dr. Julie Gowthorpe, a therapist with more than 25 years of experience and the developer of self-nurturing therapy, about how childhood coping patterns can shape adult relationships. They explore self-awareness, soothing the inner child, setting boundaries, and building a life from self-worth rather than guilt or overachievement.

 Key  Topics

Dr. Gowthorpe explains how protecting yourself from vulnerability can make closeness difficult, even when life looks successful.
Notice the physical signs of shutting down when someone asks how you are, and ask what self-reliance is costing you emotionally, financially, and relationally.
A disproportionate reaction to a small conflict may point to an earlier experience of feeling neglected, unsafe, or unimportant.
Self-nurturing therapy draws on attachment theory and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, with phases focused on knowing the inner child, self-parenting, and sustaining change.
Boundaries may upset people who benefited from your over functioning; communicating the need for sustainable care can reduce resentment.
Childhood caregiver and abandonment roles can lead adults to overwork for approval or seek security from a partner that they need to build within themselves.
Self-nurturing includes making room for fitness, outdoors, play, connection, and love, while acknowledging feelings rather than using tough love against yourself.
Before taking on more, weigh the real costs and benefits; high achievers may minimize what they give up, such as family time.
Galthorpe distinguishes feedback about behavior from attacks on identity and describes constantly moving goalposts as a power-and-control move.
Feeling unlike yourself, acting against your values, or living amid persistent conflict can signal that you are out of alignment.

 Takeaways

I wish she understood how much she deserves to enjoy life fully and how worthy she is of having everything that she wants.
What you want to look at is what's going on within you, what needs to be quieted, soothed within you.
We have to pay attention not just to what our thoughts are or our feelings are, but what our body response is.
If I'm a nine out of 10 because someone didn't get to me as soon as they needed to, then that's something bigger than the interaction in that moment.
You have to go through the phases where you first of all get to know your inner child.
You have to accept that when you set boundaries, people are not going to like it.
I want to be able to continue to be the loving, kind person I am.
You are worthy of all good things.
Because more is not always better.
Stop apologizing for who you are.

 Sound Bites

"You deserve to enjoy life fully."
"People are not going to like it."
"Stop apologizing for who you are."

Chapters

00:00 The woman everyone counts on, but who feels alone
03:17 Why high achievers protect themselves from closeness
05:02 What self-reliance is costing you
07:48 Recognizing childhood triggers in adult conflict
10:04 The three phases of self-nurturing therapy
12:19 Rebuilding safety and setting sustainable boundaries
17:08 Acknowledging childhood experiences without blame
19:30 How caregiver and abandonment roles shape relationships
22:07 Self-parenting, self-love, and making room for joy
24:38 Worthiness, overachievement, and asking when enough is enough
29:10 The hidden cost of taking on more
32:36 Approval, expectations, and living in alignment
35:43 Rapid-fire questions and why not to apologize for yourself
39:06 Moving goalposts, power, and control
40:09 Dr. Gowthorpe’s book, retreat, and signs of misalignment

 Resources

Heal Childhood Trauma: The Self-Nurturing Therapy Approach to Better Adult Relationships - 
The Art of Alignment - 

 

Check out this episode!

Ep 1011: You’re Everyone’s Go-To. So Why Do You Feel So Alone? with Dr. Julie Gowthorne

You’re the one everybody calls when they need something. So why is it so hard to make that call yourself?

On this episode of the Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T., Linda Mitchell sits down with therapist and author Dr. Julie Gowthorpe to talk about how the roles we learned growing up can follow us into adult relationships. If you’ve ever jumped in to keep the peace, waved off an offer of help, or replayed one offhand comment all night, you’ll recognize yourself in this conversation.

Dr. Julie shares the thinking behind Self-Nurturing Therapy, the approach at the center of her book, Heal Childhood Trauma: The Self-Nurturing Therapy Approach to Better Adult Relationships. Linda and Julie explore what it can feel like to let someone show up for you, how to tell when an old hurt is shaping a current argument, and what repair can sound like when you catch yourself repeating a family pattern.

In this episode

• Why women who are used to being relied on can feel lonely

• How everyday childhood experiences can shape what you expect from people now

• Why one small comment can hit harder than you expected

• How to notice an old reaction while taking present-day disrespect seriously

• What to say when you need space, help, or a clearer boundary

• How to reconnect with your child after a moment you wish you’d handled differently

Featured book
Heal Childhood Trauma: The Self-Nurturing Therapy Approach to Better Adult Relationships by Dr. Julie Gowthorpe

Connect with Linda
Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T. · @sisterhoodofsweat on Instagram

Summary

Linda Mitchell talks with Dr. Julie Gowthorpe, a therapist with more than 25 years of experience and the developer of self-nurturing therapy, about how childhood coping patterns can shape adult relationships. They explore self-awareness, soothing the inner child, setting boundaries, and building a life from self-worth rather than guilt or overachievement.

 Key  Topics

Dr. Gowthorpe explains how protecting yourself from vulnerability can make closeness difficult, even when life looks successful.
Notice the physical signs of shutting down when someone asks how you are, and ask what self-reliance is costing you emotionally, financially, and relationally.
A disproportionate reaction to a small conflict may point to an earlier experience of feeling neglected, unsafe, or unimportant.
Self-nurturing therapy draws on attachment theory and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, with phases focused on knowing the inner child, self-parenting, and sustaining change.
Boundaries may upset people who benefited from your over functioning; communicating the need for sustainable care can reduce resentment.
Childhood caregiver and abandonment roles can lead adults to overwork for approval or seek security from a partner that they need to build within themselves.
Self-nurturing includes making room for fitness, outdoors, play, connection, and love, while acknowledging feelings rather than using tough love against yourself.
Before taking on more, weigh the real costs and benefits; high achievers may minimize what they give up, such as family time.
Galthorpe distinguishes feedback about behavior from attacks on identity and describes constantly moving goalposts as a power-and-control move.
Feeling unlike yourself, acting against your values, or living amid persistent conflict can signal that you are out of alignment.

 Takeaways

I wish she understood how much she deserves to enjoy life fully and how worthy she is of having everything that she wants.
What you want to look at is what's going on within you, what needs to be quieted, soothed within you.
We have to pay attention not just to what our thoughts are or our feelings are, but what our body response is.
If I'm a nine out of 10 because someone didn't get to me as soon as they needed to, then that's something bigger than the interaction in that moment.
You have to go through the phases where you first of all get to know your inner child.
You have to accept that when you set boundaries, people are not going to like it.
I want to be able to continue to be the loving, kind person I am.
You are worthy of all good things.
Because more is not always better.
Stop apologizing for who you are.

 Sound Bites

"You deserve to enjoy life fully."
"People are not going to like it."
"Stop apologizing for who you are."

Chapters

00:00 The woman everyone counts on, but who feels alone
03:17 Why high achievers protect themselves from closeness
05:02 What self-reliance is costing you
07:48 Recognizing childhood triggers in adult conflict
10:04 The three phases of self-nurturing therapy
12:19 Rebuilding safety and setting sustainable boundaries
17:08 Acknowledging childhood experiences without blame
19:30 How caregiver and abandonment roles shape relationships
22:07 Self-parenting, self-love, and making room for joy
24:38 Worthiness, overachievement, and asking when enough is enough
29:10 The hidden cost of taking on more
32:36 Approval, expectations, and living in alignment
35:43 Rapid-fire questions and why not to apologize for yourself
39:06 Moving goalposts, power, and control
40:09 Dr. Gowthorpe’s book, retreat, and signs of misalignment

 Resources

Heal Childhood Trauma: The Self-Nurturing Therapy Approach to Better Adult Relationships - 
The Art of Alignment - 

 

Check out this episode!

Ep 1010: Why You Keep Having the Same Fight—and What It’s Really About with Joree Rose

SHOW NOTES

Do you keep having the same argument with your partner, even when you both want things to improve? And are you exhausted from feeling like the only one doing the relationship work?

In this episode of the Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T., Linda Mitchell welcomes Joree Rose, a licensed marriage and family therapist, mindfulness and meditation teacher, relationship coach, author, and podcast host.

Together, they explore how everyday disagreements can connect to deeper needs for trust, connection, understanding, and feeling valued. The conversation examines emotional responsibility, accountability, and what it means to practice healthier responses when familiar patterns show up.

The episode also includes an important discussion about distinguishing relationship conflict from intimidation, coercive control, and abuse.

Topics we explore:

• Why love alone doesn’t provide every skill a relationship needs

• What may be underneath recurring arguments

• The emotional workload many women carry

• What shared responsibility looks like in practice

• Recognizing reactions before they take over

• Taking a constructive pause during conflict

• Apologies, accountability, and meaningful repair

• Expressing needs and maintaining boundaries

• Moving from self-awareness to everyday practice

• Proximity Coaching and the role and limits of AI support

About Joree Rose

Joree Rose has spent more than 20 years helping people better understand themselves, navigate relationships, and create meaningful change. Her work blends psychology, mindfulness, emotional awareness, and relationship science with a practical approach. She co-founded Proximity Coaching with her husband, Dr. John Schinnerer.

Connect with Linda Mitchell:

Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T.

Enjoyed this conversation? Follow the podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with a woman who needs to hear that her voice and needs matter.

 content  type

interview

 primary  goal

educational

 guest  name

Joree Rose

 summary

Host Linda Mitchell talks with Joree Rose, a licensed marriage and family therapist, mindfulness and meditation teacher, relationship coach, author, and podcast host, about why couples repeat painful conflicts and how attachment wounds can shape those patterns. They discuss practical approaches to fair fighting and repair, recognizing when safety must take priority, and helping women honor their evolving needs through self-loyalty.

 Key Topics

Joree Rose traces her relationship work to a lifelong curiosity about human behavior, her divorce, and the patterns she and her current husband had to work through together.
Anxious and avoidant attachment can create a pursuing-and-withdrawing cycle: one partner seeks connection to regulate, while the other needs space.
Repeated fights may activate old wounds; Rose suggests asking what feels familiar, what story each partner is telling themselves, and what sensations and emotions arise.
Fair-fighting guidance includes staying with the issue at hand, avoiding a backlog of past grievances, noticing signs of flooding, and taking a break to regulate.
Rose discusses research-informed appreciation and repair, including the Gottmans’ ideas about positive interactions, accountability, and accepting an apology without immediate defensiveness.
When conflict involves coercive control or possible abuse, Rose advises prioritizing individual therapy and safety rather than assuming couples therapy is appropriate.
For women navigating midlife and changing roles, Rose describes a progression from self-care to self-compassion, self-consideration, and self-loyalty.
Rose emphasizes that people are not needy for having needs, and that emotional connection requires being seen, heard, and validated.
The conversation closes with Proximity Coaching, an AI-supported relationship coaching service created by Rose and her husband, and its relationship-pattern quiz.

 Takeaways

“The work you do alone is not necessarily the same kind of work you do in partnership.”
“Love isn't enough.”
“If it's hysterical, it's historical.”
“We had different needs around regulation, but it looked personal, but it wasn't.”
“When you're activated, when you're in an argument, there is only one thing you should try to do. It's calm that brain down.”
“You are not needy for having needs.”
“Can I not self-abandon what I now is uncovered is important to me in favor of someone else's comfort?”
“In absence of being seen, heard, and validated, we tend to do one of two things. We get louder or we shut down.”
“If I'm not connected or feeling resolved, then we're not resolved.”
“You can't change what you're not aware of.”

 Action  Items

When a recurring conflict starts, pause and identify the old wound or insecurity that may have been activated.
Notice body cues of flooding, such as rising heart rate and muscle tension; take a break to regulate before continuing.
Stay focused on the issue at hand instead of bringing in past grievances or targeting a partner’s known sensitivities.
When receiving an apology, acknowledge the repair attempt without immediately explaining or defending your own actions.
Reflect on what you want, what values matter to you, and where you may be abandoning yourself to preserve someone else’s comfort.
If you suspect coercive control or an unsafe relationship, seek individual support and prioritize safety over couples-communication strategies.

 Key Frameworks

Secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment patterns
Self-care → self-compassion → self-consideration → self-loyalty
Gottmans’ fair-fighting, repair, and positive-to-negative interaction guidance

 

 Sound Bites

"Love isn't enough."
"It's calm that brain down."
"Can I not self-abandon?"

Chapters

00:00 Joree Rose joins Linda Mitchell to unpack recurring relationship fights
03:22 How personal relationship history led Rose into therapy work
06:56 The couple’s breakup and the anxious-avoidant cycle
10:35 How early attachment shapes trust, closeness, and conflict
17:45 Find the old wound underneath a recurring argument
21:58 Fair fighting: stay present, regulate, and appreciate
27:09 Repair attempts, apologies, and revisiting unresolved conflict
32:22 Listen without defending, and know when safety comes first
37:11 Women’s changing needs and the path to self-loyalty
44:04 Why feeling seen, heard, and validated matters
48:30 Align on relationship expectations before major life changes
51:07 Proximity Coaching and the relationship-pattern quiz

 resources

Proximity Coaching - https://proximitycoaching.com/quiz
Fight Right - 
John and Julie Gottman - 

 

Check out this episode!

Ep 1010: Why You Keep Having the Same Fight—and What It’s Really About with Joree Rose

SHOW NOTES

Do you keep having the same argument with your partner, even when you both want things to improve? And are you exhausted from feeling like the only one doing the relationship work?

In this episode of the Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T., Linda Mitchell welcomes Joree Rose, a licensed marriage and family therapist, mindfulness and meditation teacher, relationship coach, author, and podcast host.

Together, they explore how everyday disagreements can connect to deeper needs for trust, connection, understanding, and feeling valued. The conversation examines emotional responsibility, accountability, and what it means to practice healthier responses when familiar patterns show up.

The episode also includes an important discussion about distinguishing relationship conflict from intimidation, coercive control, and abuse.

Topics we explore:

• Why love alone doesn’t provide every skill a relationship needs

• What may be underneath recurring arguments

• The emotional workload many women carry

• What shared responsibility looks like in practice

• Recognizing reactions before they take over

• Taking a constructive pause during conflict

• Apologies, accountability, and meaningful repair

• Expressing needs and maintaining boundaries

• Moving from self-awareness to everyday practice

• Proximity Coaching and the role and limits of AI support

About Joree Rose

Joree Rose has spent more than 20 years helping people better understand themselves, navigate relationships, and create meaningful change. Her work blends psychology, mindfulness, emotional awareness, and relationship science with a practical approach. She co-founded Proximity Coaching with her husband, Dr. John Schinnerer.

Connect with Linda Mitchell:

Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T.

Enjoyed this conversation? Follow the podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with a woman who needs to hear that her voice and needs matter.

 content  type

interview

 primary  goal

educational

 guest  name

Joree Rose

 summary

Host Linda Mitchell talks with Joree Rose, a licensed marriage and family therapist, mindfulness and meditation teacher, relationship coach, author, and podcast host, about why couples repeat painful conflicts and how attachment wounds can shape those patterns. They discuss practical approaches to fair fighting and repair, recognizing when safety must take priority, and helping women honor their evolving needs through self-loyalty.

 Key Topics

Joree Rose traces her relationship work to a lifelong curiosity about human behavior, her divorce, and the patterns she and her current husband had to work through together.
Anxious and avoidant attachment can create a pursuing-and-withdrawing cycle: one partner seeks connection to regulate, while the other needs space.
Repeated fights may activate old wounds; Rose suggests asking what feels familiar, what story each partner is telling themselves, and what sensations and emotions arise.
Fair-fighting guidance includes staying with the issue at hand, avoiding a backlog of past grievances, noticing signs of flooding, and taking a break to regulate.
Rose discusses research-informed appreciation and repair, including the Gottmans’ ideas about positive interactions, accountability, and accepting an apology without immediate defensiveness.
When conflict involves coercive control or possible abuse, Rose advises prioritizing individual therapy and safety rather than assuming couples therapy is appropriate.
For women navigating midlife and changing roles, Rose describes a progression from self-care to self-compassion, self-consideration, and self-loyalty.
Rose emphasizes that people are not needy for having needs, and that emotional connection requires being seen, heard, and validated.
The conversation closes with Proximity Coaching, an AI-supported relationship coaching service created by Rose and her husband, and its relationship-pattern quiz.

 Takeaways

“The work you do alone is not necessarily the same kind of work you do in partnership.”
“Love isn't enough.”
“If it's hysterical, it's historical.”
“We had different needs around regulation, but it looked personal, but it wasn't.”
“When you're activated, when you're in an argument, there is only one thing you should try to do. It's calm that brain down.”
“You are not needy for having needs.”
“Can I not self-abandon what I now is uncovered is important to me in favor of someone else's comfort?”
“In absence of being seen, heard, and validated, we tend to do one of two things. We get louder or we shut down.”
“If I'm not connected or feeling resolved, then we're not resolved.”
“You can't change what you're not aware of.”

 Action  Items

When a recurring conflict starts, pause and identify the old wound or insecurity that may have been activated.
Notice body cues of flooding, such as rising heart rate and muscle tension; take a break to regulate before continuing.
Stay focused on the issue at hand instead of bringing in past grievances or targeting a partner’s known sensitivities.
When receiving an apology, acknowledge the repair attempt without immediately explaining or defending your own actions.
Reflect on what you want, what values matter to you, and where you may be abandoning yourself to preserve someone else’s comfort.
If you suspect coercive control or an unsafe relationship, seek individual support and prioritize safety over couples-communication strategies.

 Key Frameworks

Secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment patterns
Self-care → self-compassion → self-consideration → self-loyalty
Gottmans’ fair-fighting, repair, and positive-to-negative interaction guidance

 

 Sound Bites

"Love isn't enough."
"It's calm that brain down."
"Can I not self-abandon?"

Chapters

00:00 Joree Rose joins Linda Mitchell to unpack recurring relationship fights
03:22 How personal relationship history led Rose into therapy work
06:56 The couple’s breakup and the anxious-avoidant cycle
10:35 How early attachment shapes trust, closeness, and conflict
17:45 Find the old wound underneath a recurring argument
21:58 Fair fighting: stay present, regulate, and appreciate
27:09 Repair attempts, apologies, and revisiting unresolved conflict
32:22 Listen without defending, and know when safety comes first
37:11 Women’s changing needs and the path to self-loyalty
44:04 Why feeling seen, heard, and validated matters
48:30 Align on relationship expectations before major life changes
51:07 Proximity Coaching and the relationship-pattern quiz

 resources

Proximity Coaching - https://proximitycoaching.com/quiz
Fight Right - 
John and Julie Gottman - 

 

Check out this episode!

Ep 1009: Are you dreaming Big Enough? with Linda Mitchell

Big Dreams really move the needle.

Clear your Limited Beliefs 

Break the Limits you’ve set on yourself.

 

Check out this episode!

Ep 1009: Are you dreaming Big Enough? with Linda Mitchell

Big Dreams really move the needle.

Clear your Limited Beliefs 

Break the Limits you’ve set on yourself.

 

Check out this episode!

Ep 1008: Turn Your Mess Into Your Message with Tim Storey

On this week's Motivation Monday, we're replaying an oldie, but a goodie, our chat with Tim Storey, all about turning your mess into your message in live and business!

Check out this episode!