Ep: 1006 The Relationship Skills, Nobody Taught You Before You Said “I Do” with Michelle Hays

The Relationship Skills Nobody Taught You Before You Said “I Do”

Show notes

You can lead a team, build a business, and handle a crisis before lunch. So why can one conversation at home leave you feeling like you’ve lost your footing?

On this episode of the Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T., Linda Mitchell talks with Michelle, founder of Monarch for Love and a Certified Marriage Transformation Coach. Michelle shares the personal transformation behind her business and introduces Love Literacy™, her framework for learning relationship skills many of us missed growing up.

Linda and Michelle explore what recurring arguments can reveal, how to ask for shared effort when you’re tired of carrying the emotional work, and what to say when you want to repair a conversation that went sideways. They also talk about the leadership habits that follow us home and what it means to define success in a way that includes the people we love.

In this episode

• How Michelle turned hard-earned relationship lessons into Monarch for Love
• What a fight about phones, chores, or money might be trying to tell you
• How to ask your partner to share the work of improving your relationship
• What to say when you get defensive and want to start the conversation again
• How emotional intelligence shows up in business, marriage, and family life

Connect with Michelle
Monarch for Love · Monarch for Love Podcast · Love Literacy™

Connect with Linda
Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T. · @sisterhoodofsweat on Instagram

 content  type

interview

 primary  goal

educational

 guest  name

Michelle Hayes

 summary

Linda Mitchell speaks with Michelle Hayes, founder of Monarch for Love and a marriage transformation coach, about practical relationship skills for couples caught in recurring conflict. Hayes explains her love literacy framework, emotional regulation and repair tools, emotional safety, and how to protect connection while balancing business and home life.

 Key Topics

Why couples repeat painful arguments: many people never learned how to express needs, listen through defensiveness, or reconnect.
The phone-at-dinner example shows how turning a complaint into a clear request can reduce defensiveness and invite connection.
Hayes explains her 3D emotional reset: define the deeper feeling, delay the immediate reaction, and decide how you want to show up.
Emotional safety means being able to express feelings without fear of a partner's reaction; listening and validation may matter more than immediate solutions.
Couples can agree on fair-fight ground rules before conflict, including no name-calling, taking pauses, and using phrases like “Help me understand.”
Hayes shares how vulnerability and family-of-origin messages can reveal the meaning behind conflicts about chores and household standards.
She distinguishes ordinary communication struggles from frightening or physically intimidating behavior and urges people who feel afraid to seek help.
Repair can begin with acknowledging emotional activation and saying, “I would never intentionally hurt you.”
Hayes describes reserving Friday through Sunday for her marriage and creating smaller moments of connection during the week.
For a reconnection conversation, she suggests starting with “I really miss you” and asking curious, non-blaming questions.

 Takeaways

We were not taught the skills that we need to navigate our challenges.
The answer is curiosity.
Invite a request rather than a demand.
Define the feeling, delay the reaction, and decide how you're gonna show up.
Emotional safety is when you can express yourself to your partner without the fear of their reaction.
Sometimes we don't want them to solve things. We want someone to listen and validate us.
You have to talk about when you're not activated... what your steps are gonna be when you both get activated.
Help me understand what you're feeling right now because I don't understand.
Just because you don't feel loved does not mean you are not loved.
I really miss you. I miss the way we used to laugh together and I want to get back to that.

 Key  Frameworks

Love literacy
3D emotional reset: define the feeling, delay the reaction, decide how to show up

 Action Items

When triggered, identify the deeper feeling, pause before reacting, and choose how you want to show up.
Replace a blame-filled complaint with a specific request, such as asking to put phones away during dinner.
When your partner shares a problem, ask whether they want listening and validation rather than solutions.
Agree on fair-fight ground rules while calm, including no name-calling and taking a pause when flooded.
Try a reconnection opener: “I miss you” or “I miss us,” followed by a curious question.
Protect recurring time for the relationship and discuss a win-win approach to work and home commitments.

 Sound Bites

"The answer is curiosity."
"We invite a request rather than a demand."
"I would never intentionally hurt you."

Chapters

00:00 Meet Michelle Hayes and the idea of love literacy
03:12 Why couples get trapped in recurring arguments
05:07 Turn the phone-at-dinner complaint into a request
06:57 The 3D emotional reset: identify, pause, choose
11:11 Emotional safety, vulnerability, and listening without fixing
18:10 Agree on fair-fight rules before conflict starts
22:25 When conflict crosses into intimidation and danger
26:08 Repair after hurtful words and rebuild trust
28:09 Love languages, changing bodies, and emotional intimacy
31:35 Leadership instincts, softness, and household power struggles
38:27 Protecting marriage time while growing a business
40:48 A simple conversation starter for reconnecting
42:43 Monarch for Love and the marriage expectations study

 resources

Monarch for Love - https://monarchforlove.com

 

Check out this episode!

Ep: 1006 The Relationship Skills, Nobody Taught You Before You Said “I Do” with Michelle Hays

The Relationship Skills Nobody Taught You Before You Said “I Do”

Show notes

You can lead a team, build a business, and handle a crisis before lunch. So why can one conversation at home leave you feeling like you’ve lost your footing?

On this episode of the Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T., Linda Mitchell talks with Michelle, founder of Monarch for Love and a Certified Marriage Transformation Coach. Michelle shares the personal transformation behind her business and introduces Love Literacy™, her framework for learning relationship skills many of us missed growing up.

Linda and Michelle explore what recurring arguments can reveal, how to ask for shared effort when you’re tired of carrying the emotional work, and what to say when you want to repair a conversation that went sideways. They also talk about the leadership habits that follow us home and what it means to define success in a way that includes the people we love.

In this episode

• How Michelle turned hard-earned relationship lessons into Monarch for Love
• What a fight about phones, chores, or money might be trying to tell you
• How to ask your partner to share the work of improving your relationship
• What to say when you get defensive and want to start the conversation again
• How emotional intelligence shows up in business, marriage, and family life

Connect with Michelle
Monarch for Love · Monarch for Love Podcast · Love Literacy™

Connect with Linda
Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T. · @sisterhoodofsweat on Instagram

 content  type

interview

 primary  goal

educational

 guest  name

Michelle Hayes

 summary

Linda Mitchell speaks with Michelle Hayes, founder of Monarch for Love and a marriage transformation coach, about practical relationship skills for couples caught in recurring conflict. Hayes explains her love literacy framework, emotional regulation and repair tools, emotional safety, and how to protect connection while balancing business and home life.

 Key Topics

Why couples repeat painful arguments: many people never learned how to express needs, listen through defensiveness, or reconnect.
The phone-at-dinner example shows how turning a complaint into a clear request can reduce defensiveness and invite connection.
Hayes explains her 3D emotional reset: define the deeper feeling, delay the immediate reaction, and decide how you want to show up.
Emotional safety means being able to express feelings without fear of a partner's reaction; listening and validation may matter more than immediate solutions.
Couples can agree on fair-fight ground rules before conflict, including no name-calling, taking pauses, and using phrases like “Help me understand.”
Hayes shares how vulnerability and family-of-origin messages can reveal the meaning behind conflicts about chores and household standards.
She distinguishes ordinary communication struggles from frightening or physically intimidating behavior and urges people who feel afraid to seek help.
Repair can begin with acknowledging emotional activation and saying, “I would never intentionally hurt you.”
Hayes describes reserving Friday through Sunday for her marriage and creating smaller moments of connection during the week.
For a reconnection conversation, she suggests starting with “I really miss you” and asking curious, non-blaming questions.

 Takeaways

We were not taught the skills that we need to navigate our challenges.
The answer is curiosity.
Invite a request rather than a demand.
Define the feeling, delay the reaction, and decide how you're gonna show up.
Emotional safety is when you can express yourself to your partner without the fear of their reaction.
Sometimes we don't want them to solve things. We want someone to listen and validate us.
You have to talk about when you're not activated... what your steps are gonna be when you both get activated.
Help me understand what you're feeling right now because I don't understand.
Just because you don't feel loved does not mean you are not loved.
I really miss you. I miss the way we used to laugh together and I want to get back to that.

 Key  Frameworks

Love literacy
3D emotional reset: define the feeling, delay the reaction, decide how to show up

 Action Items

When triggered, identify the deeper feeling, pause before reacting, and choose how you want to show up.
Replace a blame-filled complaint with a specific request, such as asking to put phones away during dinner.
When your partner shares a problem, ask whether they want listening and validation rather than solutions.
Agree on fair-fight ground rules while calm, including no name-calling and taking a pause when flooded.
Try a reconnection opener: “I miss you” or “I miss us,” followed by a curious question.
Protect recurring time for the relationship and discuss a win-win approach to work and home commitments.

 Sound Bites

"The answer is curiosity."
"We invite a request rather than a demand."
"I would never intentionally hurt you."

Chapters

00:00 Meet Michelle Hayes and the idea of love literacy
03:12 Why couples get trapped in recurring arguments
05:07 Turn the phone-at-dinner complaint into a request
06:57 The 3D emotional reset: identify, pause, choose
11:11 Emotional safety, vulnerability, and listening without fixing
18:10 Agree on fair-fight rules before conflict starts
22:25 When conflict crosses into intimidation and danger
26:08 Repair after hurtful words and rebuild trust
28:09 Love languages, changing bodies, and emotional intimacy
31:35 Leadership instincts, softness, and household power struggles
38:27 Protecting marriage time while growing a business
40:48 A simple conversation starter for reconnecting
42:43 Monarch for Love and the marriage expectations study

 resources

Monarch for Love - https://monarchforlove.com

 

Check out this episode!

Ep 1006: The Shot Isn’t the Whole Plan: Ilana Muhlstein Explains What Comes Next

SHOW NOTES

Episode title: The Shot Isn’t the Whole Plan: Ilana Muhlstein Explains What Comes Next

What does sustainable weight loss look like when you’re tired of dieting? And if you’re taking a GLP-1 medication, how do you support your nutrition and strength when you don’t feel hungry?

In this episode of the Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T., Linda Mitchell welcomes registered dietitian nutritionist, bestselling author, and ONTRA founder Ilana Muhlstein for a conversation about food, muscle, mindset, and the habits that support long-term health.

Ilana shares the thinking behind her food-first approach and her book Beyond the Shot. The conversation explores questions about eating well with a reduced appetite, navigating plateaus, enjoying favorite foods, and preparing for maintenance with support from your healthcare team.

Topics for this conversation:

• What “eating more of the right foods” means in everyday life.

• Putting “Water First, Veggies Always” into practice.

• Nutrition questions to ask when starting a GLP-1 medication.

• Supporting muscle through individualized nutrition and strength training.

• Eating balanced meals when appetite is low.

• Approaching plateaus without assuming you’ve failed.

• Planning for maintenance, including ongoing medication when appropriate.

• Moving away from guilt and all-or-nothing eating.

• Modeling a balanced relationship with food for children.

About Ilana

Ilana Muhlstein, MS, RDN, is a registered dietitian nutritionist, bestselling author, and founder of ONTRA. Through her books, programs, and Daily ONTRA community, she helps people build practical nutrition habits to support sustainable weight management. Her work includes nutrition support for people taking GLP-1 medications.

Connect with Ilana:

• Website: ilanamuhlstein.com

• Book: Beyond the Shot

• Community: The Daily ONTRA

Connect with Linda:

• Website: sisterhoodofsweat.com

• Instagram: @sisterhoodofsweat

Enjoyed this conversation? Follow the Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T., leave a review, and share this episode with a woman who could use encouragement.

This episode provides general education. Individual nutrition needs and medication decisions should be discussed with your registered dietitian and prescribing clinician.

 summary

Registered dietitian, nutritionist, author, and Entra founder Alana Molstein joins host Linda Mitchell to discuss sustainable weight management, nutrition while using GLP-1 medications, and protecting muscle and long-term results. She shares lessons from losing 100 pounds over a decade, practical ways to eat more nourishing foods, and strategies for building habits without shame or all-or-nothing dieting.

 Key  Topics

Alana Molstein describes losing 100 pounds over roughly 10 years, with deliberate periods of maintenance instead of relying on repeated crash diets.
Her approach emphasizes eating more water-rich vegetables and satisfying foods rather than defaulting to smaller portions and deprivation.
For people using GLP-1 medications, she highlights hydration, adequate protein, strength training, and discussing an appropriate dose with a qualified provider.
She cautions that rapid weight loss and very low appetite can make it harder to nourish the body and preserve lean muscle.
She recommends treating maintenance as part of the plan from day one, choosing habits that are realistic to sustain for years.
Molstein encourages using medication as an opportunity to practice lasting habits, including learning enjoyable vegetable recipes and building a healthier relationship with food.
The conversation addresses shame, body commentary, people-pleasing, and how supportive community can help people stay consistent.
She describes a non-shaming approach to feeding children and discusses her Raising Balanced Eaters program.
Her three starter steps: find accountability and community, set a water goal, and try one vegetable-filled recipe.

 Takeaways

“It took about 10 years to really lose my full a hundred pounds.”
“I could actually eat more of the right things and drop pounds.”
“The number one complaint I get from people is that they're not losing weight as fast as they thought.”
“You have to be setting yourself up for success now.”
“My ultimate promise to myself, which changed my whole mindset ... was just promising myself I wouldn't gain the weight back.”
“The best way to maintain your weight is to make sure the way you're losing is sustainable.”
“Lean into exercise, but really use it as a longevity tool, use it as a confidence builder.”
“The judgment is endless. That's why you have to unhook yourself from it.”
“Get accountability in community.”
“Don't look at veggies as a chore or a diet food. Look at them as a way of life.”

Key Frameworks

Maintenance as a goal from day one
Using a GLP-1 period to practice sustainable habits

 Action Items

Discuss GLP-1 dose, side effects, and nutrition needs with a qualified healthcare provider; do not increase doses without medical guidance.
Set a practical daily water goal and track whether you meet it.
Try one new vegetable-filled recipe this week.
Include protein and strength training in a plan to support lean muscle, with guidance suited to your health needs.
Seek a supportive community or accountability partner to help sustain habits.

 Sound Bites

"It's not such a magic pill."
"Taking yourself on as a project over time."
"Look at them as a way of life."

Chapters

00:00 Meet Alana Molstein and the conversation beyond dieting
02:43 A 100-pound loss built around maintenance, not quick fixes
05:45 Eating more: water, vegetables, and satisfying meals
09:22 GLP-1 basics: hydration, protein, strength, and supplements
12:05 Why medication is not a magic pill
14:28 The confidence that comes from steady progress
17:13 Turning a GLP-1 journey into lasting habits
20:29 Letting go of shame and fear of being judged
24:06 Protecting muscle and choosing an appropriate dose
25:59 Why maintenance belongs in the plan from day one
29:03 People-pleasing, body comments, and setting boundaries
32:13 Teaching kids to enjoy nourishing foods without shame
35:14 Moving beyond all-or-nothing eating
37:36 Exercise as a tool for longevity, not earning food
38:48 Three first steps: community, water, and a veggie recipe
41:10 Closing thoughts and where to find Alana

Check out this episode!

Ep 1006: The Shot Isn’t the Whole Plan: Ilana Muhlstein Explains What Comes Next

SHOW NOTES

Episode title: The Shot Isn’t the Whole Plan: Ilana Muhlstein Explains What Comes Next

What does sustainable weight loss look like when you’re tired of dieting? And if you’re taking a GLP-1 medication, how do you support your nutrition and strength when you don’t feel hungry?

In this episode of the Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T., Linda Mitchell welcomes registered dietitian nutritionist, bestselling author, and ONTRA founder Ilana Muhlstein for a conversation about food, muscle, mindset, and the habits that support long-term health.

Ilana shares the thinking behind her food-first approach and her book Beyond the Shot. The conversation explores questions about eating well with a reduced appetite, navigating plateaus, enjoying favorite foods, and preparing for maintenance with support from your healthcare team.

Topics for this conversation:

• What “eating more of the right foods” means in everyday life.

• Putting “Water First, Veggies Always” into practice.

• Nutrition questions to ask when starting a GLP-1 medication.

• Supporting muscle through individualized nutrition and strength training.

• Eating balanced meals when appetite is low.

• Approaching plateaus without assuming you’ve failed.

• Planning for maintenance, including ongoing medication when appropriate.

• Moving away from guilt and all-or-nothing eating.

• Modeling a balanced relationship with food for children.

About Ilana

Ilana Muhlstein, MS, RDN, is a registered dietitian nutritionist, bestselling author, and founder of ONTRA. Through her books, programs, and Daily ONTRA community, she helps people build practical nutrition habits to support sustainable weight management. Her work includes nutrition support for people taking GLP-1 medications.

Connect with Ilana:

• Website: ilanamuhlstein.com

• Book: Beyond the Shot

• Community: The Daily ONTRA

Connect with Linda:

• Website: sisterhoodofsweat.com

• Instagram: @sisterhoodofsweat

Enjoyed this conversation? Follow the Sisterhood of S.W.E.A.T., leave a review, and share this episode with a woman who could use encouragement.

This episode provides general education. Individual nutrition needs and medication decisions should be discussed with your registered dietitian and prescribing clinician.

 summary

Registered dietitian, nutritionist, author, and Entra founder Alana Molstein joins host Linda Mitchell to discuss sustainable weight management, nutrition while using GLP-1 medications, and protecting muscle and long-term results. She shares lessons from losing 100 pounds over a decade, practical ways to eat more nourishing foods, and strategies for building habits without shame or all-or-nothing dieting.

 Key  Topics

Alana Molstein describes losing 100 pounds over roughly 10 years, with deliberate periods of maintenance instead of relying on repeated crash diets.
Her approach emphasizes eating more water-rich vegetables and satisfying foods rather than defaulting to smaller portions and deprivation.
For people using GLP-1 medications, she highlights hydration, adequate protein, strength training, and discussing an appropriate dose with a qualified provider.
She cautions that rapid weight loss and very low appetite can make it harder to nourish the body and preserve lean muscle.
She recommends treating maintenance as part of the plan from day one, choosing habits that are realistic to sustain for years.
Molstein encourages using medication as an opportunity to practice lasting habits, including learning enjoyable vegetable recipes and building a healthier relationship with food.
The conversation addresses shame, body commentary, people-pleasing, and how supportive community can help people stay consistent.
She describes a non-shaming approach to feeding children and discusses her Raising Balanced Eaters program.
Her three starter steps: find accountability and community, set a water goal, and try one vegetable-filled recipe.

 Takeaways

“It took about 10 years to really lose my full a hundred pounds.”
“I could actually eat more of the right things and drop pounds.”
“The number one complaint I get from people is that they're not losing weight as fast as they thought.”
“You have to be setting yourself up for success now.”
“My ultimate promise to myself, which changed my whole mindset ... was just promising myself I wouldn't gain the weight back.”
“The best way to maintain your weight is to make sure the way you're losing is sustainable.”
“Lean into exercise, but really use it as a longevity tool, use it as a confidence builder.”
“The judgment is endless. That's why you have to unhook yourself from it.”
“Get accountability in community.”
“Don't look at veggies as a chore or a diet food. Look at them as a way of life.”

Key Frameworks

Maintenance as a goal from day one
Using a GLP-1 period to practice sustainable habits

 Action Items

Discuss GLP-1 dose, side effects, and nutrition needs with a qualified healthcare provider; do not increase doses without medical guidance.
Set a practical daily water goal and track whether you meet it.
Try one new vegetable-filled recipe this week.
Include protein and strength training in a plan to support lean muscle, with guidance suited to your health needs.
Seek a supportive community or accountability partner to help sustain habits.

 Sound Bites

"It's not such a magic pill."
"Taking yourself on as a project over time."
"Look at them as a way of life."

Chapters

00:00 Meet Alana Molstein and the conversation beyond dieting
02:43 A 100-pound loss built around maintenance, not quick fixes
05:45 Eating more: water, vegetables, and satisfying meals
09:22 GLP-1 basics: hydration, protein, strength, and supplements
12:05 Why medication is not a magic pill
14:28 The confidence that comes from steady progress
17:13 Turning a GLP-1 journey into lasting habits
20:29 Letting go of shame and fear of being judged
24:06 Protecting muscle and choosing an appropriate dose
25:59 Why maintenance belongs in the plan from day one
29:03 People-pleasing, body comments, and setting boundaries
32:13 Teaching kids to enjoy nourishing foods without shame
35:14 Moving beyond all-or-nothing eating
37:36 Exercise as a tool for longevity, not earning food
38:48 Three first steps: community, water, and a veggie recipe
41:10 Closing thoughts and where to find Alana

Check out this episode!